The time for traveling to China is drawing near, yet it still seems so far away. I am not patient. I cannot put into words the emotions that are running through my heart right now.
- I'm overjoyed that I will meet my son soon.
- I'm excited for the adventure of going to China and learning a new culture and experience.
- I'm nervous about all the paperwork and official appointments that will happen while we are there.
- I'm worried about the financial responsibilities.
- I'm disappointed that we haven't received our travel approval yet.
- I'm nostalgic as I pull out all of Sam's old clothes and toys to get them ready for Caleb.
All of these emotions crash together and overwhelm my soul. Have you ever been so overcome with thoughts and emotions that you don't quite know what to do with yourself? You can't sit still, but you can't make your self get up and accomplish anything either.
People have told me that it's like the last month of pregnancy before delivery. But, I can tell you that it is not. At least not in my experience. When you are pregnant you can be in a room by yourself, but you are not completely alone. Your baby is there with you. You have some sense of security when you feel the baby move in your womb. You can speak to the baby and find comfort in the fact that he can hear your voice even though he may not understand what you say.
Caleb is not here. When I'm in a room by myself, I think about my son that is on the other side of the world. I wonder what he is doing and if he has gotten a hug today. I don't have that same sense of security because his care is out of my hands. I have no sense of control. And, I become overwhelmed.
I stand back and look at my garden of virtues so overcome with weeds, and I hardly know where to start. Then I remember...I know this Gardner who is in complete control. He knows how to get rid of the weeds and cultivate the virtues. All I have to do is unlock the gate and let Him get to work.
He also knows Caleb and His arms are long enough to reach the other side of the world and surround Caleb with love. He is in complete control. And, He is cultivating patience......
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth shakes and the mountains slide into the sea, though oceans roar and their waves foam, or the mountains sway in the bottom of the sea." Ps 46:1-3 (The Clear Word)
Please pray for us while we are waiting....
